Thursday, September 3, 2015

McNews for the Masses

So yesterday my sister ... who is older, wiser, wealthier and much more worldly than I ... in short, a far superior person to Yours Truly ... sent me a link.  She's a better reader than I am too, so she's always sending me links about what's going on in the world.  Many of them are political.  Most of what she sends me tends to be really lighthearted stuff, like how the U.S. is enabling Iran or Iraq or Ifart to destroy the world any second now.  I think I mentioned that she's really, really smart, so these articles are a few grades above the Dick-Jane-Spot reading level.   

And she gets really upset when I don't read them.  "Why don't you ever read anything I send you?"  It's exhausting coming up with new excuses every day.  She never buys the "I've been busy at work" line anymore.   

And it's an unjust accusation.  I do read stuff.  If it's about spirituality or religion or pop culture or how to win money from Publisher's Clearing House*, I'll usually read it.  If it's about puppies that talk, or kitties that eat toilet paper, or something else that might be cute or funny, I'll read that too.  But if it looks like something that might make my brain want to vomit, I tend to put off reading those types of stories until the nausea passes.  It hasn't happened yet, but I'm very hopeful.   

So much for the brief history. 

Okay, so I was telling you that yesterday my sister sent me a link to a news story ... something to do with, I don't know, how the U.S. is enabling Iran to destroy the world, I think ... and I didn't open it.  I should open it.  I should care about when the world is going to end, as it's kind of an important topic.**

But here's the thing:  I cared a heck of a lot more about McDonald's announcing that they're going to start serving all-day breakfast beginning in October.  And yes, the way I prioritize my concerns kinda disturbs me, but that was the news that caught my attention. 

I even thought about it while I was at work yesterday.  I kept day-dreaming what it would be like to be able to eat a hash brown at 3:00 in the afternoon ... or not have to wonder on the weekends, "Do they stop serving breakfast at 10?  10:30?  11?"  I've been wondering this for years, and while I'm a seemingly intelligent being, I can't seem to retain this information.  True, I don't eat there every day ... on average, probably once a week. ***  But I'm always the poor slob in that drive-thru who gets right up to the speaker and - BAM! - the board swivels, and now it's lunch!  Fiends! 

And yet I always ask in a dying voice, "Oh ... are you serving lunch now?"

"Yes, ma'am" (in an irritated voice - I'm sure these poor employees get this stupid question every single day they have to work that shift).

"Well ... can you sneak in one last #2 so I can have my Egg McMuffin and not weep and die in this car, please?"

"No, ma'am, we're serving lunch."

"Really?  You have no breakfast food?  You just ran out of everything?   Just this second? I mean, you don't have an extra McPancake hangin' around back there?  Sausage burrito?  It all just magically vanished into thin air?  Or you threw 'em out and you don't care that my eggless**** state is spawning a nervous breakdown?  Is THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING TO ME?"

Okay ... maybe I'm not as bad as this lady, voicing my angst out loud:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/05/woman-punches-drive-thru_n_412135.html  *****

,,,but these are the things that are being screamed inside my head.  

We do live in a culture where, let's face it, breakfast is becoming more of an all-day thing.  The 9-to-5 typical day is not longer so typical that restaurants can continue to define our breakfast/lunch/dinner windows.  So I'm thrilled McDonald's has finally wised up and decided to give us all a chance to eat greasy potatoes all day long, instead of only in the morning.  

(Hmmm ...   There's something wrong with that sentence, but it's early in the morning and my brain is like a stale French fry that's been sitting under the heat lamp too long.) 

***

*How come those bastards didn't show up at my house on August 31st Like They Kept Promising They Would?  Now they're telling me to click on their links a few more million times to they'll come out in October.  I suspect they might be lying to me. 

** And if the world IS going to end shortly, why do I need to keep going to Planet Fitness anyway?

*** Oh, that's right -- THAT'S why I need to keep going to Planet Fitness.

**** Not to be confused with the other eggless state that's making my 53-year-old life hell.

***** 11:00 ... I must try to remember ... 11:00 if I want my Filet o' Fish.  Hmmm.  Why can't they make that part of the menu an all-day thing too?  I mean, isn't everything on their menu made from the same vat of protein-fatcarb magic mix anyway?  How much harder would it be?